Always feel depressed always have felt depressed/sad. Compulsive liar ex Too young or shy for therapist.?

I know loads of people feel depressed and sad. I'm 15 but it's nothing to do with being a teenager or any of that crap. I hate talking to people bout it cause the last thing i want to come off as is a faker or someone seeking attention. So i figured anonymously on this made most sense. I've never liked life, I mean there's moments where I enjoy and moments where i hate it but more often than not I really cant stand it. I've always thought like this, ever since I was very very young. When I was younger I used to be far angrier, I'm less angry now or hold it back but more sad or depressed. An example of this; when i was very young, maybe 4-6 I remember thinking about suicide and holding a knife to my head because i figured it was an easy way to die. I never did anything obviously, I'm too afraid of pain to really do anything suicidal and it's only really easy in theory. In primary i was a terrible child. I always craved attention and acceptance. I tried too hard to get people to like me, i would lie and was good at heart but just very self involved. I hated it because ofcourse this never got anyone to like me, I was made fun of as well, people never really gave me a chance or i felt left out a lot. People made fun of my shoes, hair and I always have felt very ugly. When I was very young performed oral sex on a boy a few years older than me, i have no recollection of how it started but i remember it happening and not being forced. i did this again in primary 7 with a different boy, these acts have always bugged me but recently something else has come up. As i went into high school i changed. For the better, i can safely say i was a good person. For my first year i spent most of it just walking around school listening to music then i got friends, it was great i was actually enjoying life! things were good! then in about second year they (or so i thought) got better. I was 13 at this time and i got my first proper girlfriend, she had told me things about being raped by her uncle and i had tried to help her. i dedicated myself to her she told me many many things, raped by her uncle, raped by other boys all of it lies. She lied about everything, where she stayed, things about her parents, what she'd done in life, told me she had sex many times then said it was rape then said to me that she was an angel from god. I didnt really believe this but i played along because i think i can say i loved her and when i was younger i had always tried to talk to a greater power and felt like i should be part of something special and it all linked back the way. this just helped her lie work better. She lied about many many many things and everything about it made me feel terrible. she wouldnt let me see my friends she would keep me just for her. I lost my virginity with her and we were very attatched. she later blamed these lies on a mental problem and told me that she couldnt help it and id have to deal with it by just anytime she was around me i had to be as nice as possible and never get angry no matter what she did. she did her best to make me feel as miserable as possible, at least thats how it seems. She drove me mental on several occasions, for example one time she just made me as angry as possible, im a fairly angry boy but i try to reserve it and can do so fairly well. she drove me to the point where i jumped on top of her and instead of hitting her i beat myself with her hand, i had a rather large black eye after that, i had hit myself several times. she would hit me and claw at me and take things off me and aggravate me in as many ways as she possibly could and blame it on other things, she'd blame it on demons or mental problems or make me feel guilty and make up lies about me, make me feel bad. I would shove her away or sometimes if she got me really angry id pin her against a wall but you cant understand what insanity she drove me to. eventually she admitted after much of me saying i didnt believe it that it was lies, i cant remember exactly if she ever said she was lying about the mental problem and i can definitely say she's a compulsive liar or a sociopath. I broke up with her after a year and a half of this a good few months i stayed with her even though i knew she was a liar. but how possessive and crazy she was just drove me over the top and i eventually dumped her she cried alot but i stuck with it we were "friends with benefits" for a while but eventually i got fed up with her continuous lying simply because i was talking to a different girl so i just broke off talking to her at all. the only people who really knew of her lies was my close friends. and now months later people like her and her previous best friends left her because of her lies. there now more my friends than hers after they found out that i was actually telling the truth and she was the liar not me. but now i still feel alone, i miss having a girl to hold, i have no one to talk to i cant s